We have all had those times when we have been hurt by other people. Sometimes the things that have hurt us have been intentional, at times not. Some years ago I was very hurt by a few colleagues in a job I had been in for about 7 years, it got to a point that I had to leave, I wasn’t able to work any longer in an environment that had become toxic on a deeply personal level.
Over the years I have spent time pondering and meditating on the situation – my actions, their actions, my responses, their responses, understanding that always, these things are reciprocal. The reality in interpersonal relationships is that we all contribute to them and what happens in them. That is so for friendships, romantic relationships, marriages, family relationships and any other kind of interpersonal play between people.
As part of my ponderings and realisations about this situation, I understood this – we have many soul mates, our soul mates are not only those people we are in deep, romantic, happy-ever-after relationships with. Yes, they certainly fall into that category, but our soulmates are also those people who give us our biggest lessons – those lessons that change our lives because we are given an opportunity to look at ourselves, and, if we are honest with ourselves, to change the things that don’t work, that don’t serve us any longer and are not in accord with our Higher Selves.
That is what these colleagues did for me. Friendships were broken, a job was lost, but … I was launched on the path that I am now on – a healer.
Over time, as the hurt lessened, I was able to see these people as soulmates, people who, at a soul level, loved me enough to be the catalyst for some of the harshest lessons of my life, they held up a mirror to me, so I could look into it, into the deepest level of my soul and psyche, and I had to look into it with honesty, to myself and for myself. And I know I am a different person now because of it.
Yesterday I saw one of the women involved. We had been good friends, and I had grieved that friendship, but I know it could never be revived. I had often wondered how I would react if I saw her again. And yesterday this became reality. We bumped into each other at a local shopping centre. And do you know – I was genuinely happy to see her, it was good to see she was ok, it was nice to be able to hug her, and to catch up about some major events in our lives. I was conscious that I did not feel within myself any of the rancour, the bitterness and pain that had been there for so long. And it felt good.
Interestingly, as we walked away from our little meeting, I realised some of the old ways of relating to each other were still there, but I wasn’t affected by them. The difference was that I didn’t enter into any of it, I didn’t take anything on, I didn’t attach to any of it.
I know that the friendship won’t be revived – the lessons have been learned and too much time has passed, and, really, I don’t want it again.
Forgiveness is not about saying sorry, or having someone say sorry to us – after all, if we say sorry to someone else, there are no guarantees that they will forgive us. And vice versa …
Forgiveness is a deeply personal journey that leads us to no longer attaching to the hurt, it is about letting it go, and understanding that we have no control over how other people react or respond to situations, and events. All we can do – and need do – is make peace with it all from our own hearts, to learn our own lessons, and to let go, so that everyone concerned has the freedom to do the same, in their own way, in a way that is right for their soul, and their own soul journey. That may not be the same as our way, but is right for them.
Freedom is letting go so that we can all follow our own journey.
This is peace.